Submitted by Soldier4lyfe on Fri, 03/14/2008 - 20:19.
This is the story of my experiences with the Military and the VA system. I want to make it
clear that I am not against the any of the military or the VA. I only hope that through my
experiences and many others that we can initiate much needed change.
“ALL I WANT IS WHAT I DESERVE”
by Anthony Neff
I am a 22 year old disabled Army veteran from Frederick, Maryland. All my life I grew
up with the dream and ambition of following in my family's tradition and joining the
Armed Forces. That chance came for me in October of 2002. I was in my junior year of
high school at Thomas Johnson High School in Frederick, when I was contacted by my
Army recruiter. Not long after we had first spoken I was signing papers and preparing for
the service. Though I still had over nine months in the Delayed Entry Program I was
dedicated from Day One. I would spend my mornings before school doing physical
training with my recruiter; afternoons assisting at the office, and learning the Army
values. After my Graduation in 2003 I spent the two months of summer vacation with my
family, preparing myself for the life I was about to take on.
I officially entered the Army on August 13th, 2003. Just over nine weeks later, in October,
2003, I completed basic training at Ft. Knox, Kentucky. It's true what they say about the
hills, they are big, and they do hurt. From there I was reassigned to the Ordinance
Training Brigade at Aberdeen Proving Grounds, here in Maryland. I had chosen the job
title of 44b, or Metal Worker. It was my specialty in high school. I had been certified as
an arc welder, and had a good knowledge of the craft. The training lasted 16 weeks, but
because of my experience I completed it without difficulty, even finishing some classes
ahead of everyone else. I ended up graduating as the honor graduate in February, 2004,
and officially becoming part of the U.S. Army Ordinance Corps.
My first duty station was Camp Hovey, South Korea. I was assigned to the 2nd Infantry
Division, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 2nd Forward Support Battalion, Bravo Company,
Service and Recovery Section. I know it's a mouthful. Much of my time there was spent
as any other service member does when not in a war zone. We worked on our daily jobs,
trained in the field and went on some practice missions. Then in April of 2004, we
received word that our brigade, for the first time in 50 years, was going to be deploying.
No other time in history had any unit been deployed on two hardship tours back to back.
Not to mention that 2ID had not been deployed out of Korea in over 50 years. So history
was being made, and I felt honored to be a part of it. Our training began immediately and
in August, 2004 we were on our way to Kuwait to continue training for our deployment
into Iraq.
Once in Kuwait, one wondered how any human being would want to live there. It was
hot, from what I could see there was no shade available, and not to mention sand
everywhere. We all discovered as our time there progressed that you get sand in places
that you never knew existed. After spending about 20 days training and adapting to the
environment we set off on a three day convoy through Iraq to our final destination, Camp
Al taqaddum Air Base, right in the center of the Sunni Triangle, a few miles from
Fallujah and Ramadi. A great vacation spot to take the kids. Our particular mission there
was to support our unit in combat operations as well as the 1st and 2nd Marine divisions.
My particular section’s duties were to evaluate and fix broken vehicles, mostly damaged
by explosive devices (“IEDs”), gunfire, and combat operations. Some vehicles were
beyond repair, but we did what we could. We also were credited in developing a shield
system that went behind the gunner in a turret to give him/her added protection when in
the vehicle. While I was there, I also volunteered to help support the Marine Divisions
with Post security. This included patrols, and being stationed at the perimeter of the
installation in a shack surrounded by sandbags for 8-10 hours or more. With limited
equipment, we monitored particular sectors of the area and reported any suspicious
activity or enemy action to the base command, and acted accordingly based upon the
rules of engagement set by our command. I will not go in to detail about the possible
causes of my injury, but it wasn't long after I had been in Iraq that I was injured. In fact, it
was the day after Christmas. Talk about “Happy Holidays.”
I woke up on the 26th of December with intense pain in my lower back, and a very sharp
pain all down my left leg, with numbness and tingling, and it even extended into my right
leg. As a welder my job in Iraq included lifting heavy sheets of metal, armor plating,
large vehicle parts and armor, and of course, constant bending and moving. I was also a
gunner since I carried an automatic weapon, or M249 (SAW). So I can add the jolting
and knocking around that comes with being up in the gun turret of a vehicle. There were
many possibilities for my injury, even including physical training, and being knocked
down on more than one occasion by an enemy attack.
I was carried from my room by two fellow soldiers to the company aid station. There was
only one nurse on duty there. The only thing she could do is give me a shot of Toradol
and have me return at a later date. The shot worked enough where I was able to walk.
And luckily that day, David Letterman came to our camp. So it turned out to be a day of
rest for me. But the next day the pain was back and increasing in intensity. It was then
that I saw the PA at the aid station who gave me more medication, and sent me to the
main part of the base to the hospital run by the Navy.
On my way there by ambulance I noticed that on my paperwork the cause of injury as
written by the nurse was, "soldier played football twice the other day and lifts small car
parts, etc," despite all I had told the nurse of my activities. I would later dispute this and
to this day I am not sure if it was ever corrected. Once I was admitted to the hospital an
x-ray was taken of my lower back to hopefully determine the cause. I waited on a bed for
the results. The doctor, a Navy captain, came in and told me that the x-ray was
inconclusive: there was cloudiness in the area of my lower back on the film. His
diagnosis was that the x-ray machine was not working properly, and that I most likely
only had pulled a muscle or something minor. I was sure that this was not anything
minor. I had pulled muscles before. I knew that this was something dealing with my
nerves, particularly the sciatic nerve, which I knew was a main nerve that if damaged
could lead to paralysis of my legs. I voiced my opinion, but was told I was going to be
fine. All I needed was a few days rest and I would be able to return to duty. He admitted
me for about a week and put me on pain medication, and bed rest.After a few days on the medication, and anti-inflammatory drugs, I was able to stand and move with the assistance of crutches. Continuing on the medication, I was soon returned to my unit on a light duty profile and continued pain medication, which ranged from Ibuprofen to Percocet, and other drugs. I was taken off the crutches soon after returning to my unit. As I continued on this regimen I still experienced pain, and continued to only receive another light duty profile and more medication. This seems to be the Army's answer for everything. They all go through extensive training, but I thought that they would implement some other form of treatment besides Ibuprofen. It wouldn't be until I returned to the States nine months later that I would receive additional treatment.
It was a struggle each and every day. Small tasks, like taking a shower and picking up
items would cause me discomfort and pain. Not to mention wearing my heavy protective
vest and pounds of other related gear. No matter what I did to dull the pain it remained
with me. Some days were worse than others. I told myself that it was nothing just as the
doctors had told me. I needed to be up and moving, and exercising. It was the only way I
was told I would get better.
In July of 2005, my unit finally redeployed to the states, to Ft. Carson, Colorado. After a
short, three day break with family we started a post deployment assessment as well as inprocess
into Ft. Carson. This included everything from hearing, visual, mental, and
physical exams. Hearing and visual were easily completed. The mental or Post Traumatic
Stress Disorder assessment lasted anywhere from thirty seconds to a maximum of three
minutes. Or so it seemed from my observations. There were over 500 soldiers at a time
processing through each station. I remember my mental health exam being very brief.
There were a few questions, "do I have nightmares, thoughts of suicide, etc." of course
my answer was, “No.” I had just gotten back! I was more exited than anything. I had
made it back alive and I had seen my family. And when in Iraq there was no time to
really think about things. I hardly ever slept for a full night. It was a war zone, and at any
moment we could be attacked. At any moment and I would have to get up and protect
my fellow soldiers. There was no time for nightmares -- I was in one. Research has
shown that PTSD can show up immediately, but is more likely to show up long after the
service member returns. We still have Vietnam veterans in this country suffering from
PTSD.
After a full day of testing and evaluations, the last station was to see a provider, or doctor.
Here they would ask medical questions and address any problems we were experiencing.
I told my provider my story and that I was still experiencing extreme pain. It had
stabilized, but was hindering my ability to enjoy my life. He referred me for an MRI scan
immediately. He was surprised that the medical staff had not evacuated me to a facility or
camp with better capabilities. The scan was done within a few days in a trailer outside the main hospital. I had to wait a little over a week for the results to be determined, but once they were I was called back into the provider's office. At this point he handed me a large brown envelope and told me that my condition was beyond the capabilities of the installation, and that I was being
referred to an outside civilian care center. He gave me the address to The Spine Center in
Colorado Springs, CO. This center was only a short drive outside Ft. Carson. What scared
me most was that he would not tell me what was wrong. So there I was, 20 years old, just
returned from just under two years overseas, with an injury too complicated for the Army
to fix. Needless to say I was extremely scared for the fact that the balance of my life and
career was in that envelope and I had no idea what it said.
I arrived at the Spine Center and was greeted promptly by the staff there and checked in.
It wasn't long before I was called back into an exam room. A nurse came in and took my
vitals and asked me questions regarding my health, and the history of why I was there
and what happened to me. As I told her I remember her eyes widening as if in horror. I
think I even saw a tear. Once her evaluation was done she left, and I was then greeted by Doctor Bee, a spinal doctor. He took the envelope from me and went into another room to look at them He came back in and told me that I had two severely herniated discs, or bulging discs. I also
had some nerve damage related to my sciatic nerve. It appeared to be pinched due to the
bulging discs. He also noticed that there was a large amount of swelling. He told me it
was my body's natural defense to fight it. I told him of the x-ray taken nine months earlier
in Iraq, at the hospital on my camp. He said that I should have been immediately sent for
an MRI and for treatment. It Turns out the cloudiness seen on the x-ray image was fluid.
The only option given to me was outpatient surgery to repair the discs and give me relief
from the nerve pain. Another common alternative is steroid injections done in a three
series shot over time. Though due to the swelling already occurring in my lower back we
decided on surgery, and scheduled it for September 25th, 2005.
The Surgery went very well. I was able to walk only a few hours after surgery which the
doctor said was incredible. I'm sure it was because of the pain medication. I do not
remember it, but apparently I had to use the facilities. After a few hours in the recovery
room, I was discharged under the care of family on six weeks of convalescent leave. I
spent two weeks in a hotel room, where I spent most of the time in bed occasionally
getting up and walking up and down the halls with one of my family members. I was
allowed to go home to Maryland for the remaining four weeks of leave. I continued my
recovery there, walking and exercising under doctors' orders. After the six weeks I returned to Dr. Bee for a follow up appointment. We concluded that the surgery went well, and that my incision was healing nicely. He then told me that this type of procedure can take up to two years to fully heal. I was returned to my unit on post with a strict limited duty profile to see how I would adapt. I experienced pain in my lower back and legs, though not as extreme as before the surgery. I was placed on a physical training program that had me at first walking a pre determined route, later jogging, and small stretching exercises to get back into shape.
Around February of 2006 I started experiencing an increase in pain and was placed on a
physical therapy program that consisted of a bike ride and stretching assisted by a TENS
unit. After approximately eight sessions I was experiencing an increase in pain and
discomfort, especially after my therapy. And even with heat therapy I had no relief. My
unit moved me into a supply area, in which my duties were to simply enter information
into a computer and catalog items. Small parts were not a problem to move, though the larger ones were handled by tho other soldiers with me. I was soon reassigned to Ft Hood in May of 2006, still on a limited duty profile, that was considered what is commonly referred to as a "Dead
Man's," profile. No training, no heavy lifting, no marching, and due to the controlled
substances I was on and their effects I could not be in a maintenance shop.
I did not like this at all. I could not work as I wanted. I was working on getting a
promotion, and wanted to be in the shop with my section. The pain was there all the time
but all I wanted was to try to continue my career. It angered me that I could not get any
answers. A large majority of the doctors I saw would not even make contact with me and
barely answered my questions. They all had that special screen for their computers that
doesn't allow you to see what they are typing. Most would mumble something as I spoke
and stare at the screen. For all I knew they were playing Solitaire.
So each appointment would come to an end just as the others. I would receive more
medication and another profile. Why I was sent to Fort Hood I am not sure, as it violated
many of the Army's regulations.
I began working in the office filing paperwork for my section over a period of about four
months, during which I saw multiple doctors for my pain. All of whom renewed my
profile and prescribed me some sort of medication be it acetaminophens, steroids, antiinflammatory, or non steroids. It wasn't until August of 2006 that I finally saw a doctor or
provider who appeared to know what he was doing, and told me that I needed to go see a
doctor in orthopedics for better treatment and answers about my career, and if I would
recover. I was sent for another MRI by orthopedics and shortly after returned to them for the
results. The doctor made her diagnosis and told me that I had Lumbar Disc Disease,
commonly known as Degenerative Disc Disease. She then upgraded my profile to a “No
Activity” profile and initiated my Medical Board proceedings. I was returned to work as
the work I was doing was considered not threatening to my condition. Over the next three months, I continued on a regimen of medications and filling out paperwork for my medical board. Along with my health records and evidence of surgery from the Spine Center, my packet was sent off for a review and rating decision. This would ultimately determine if I was going to be discharged from the Army or if I was going to be referred for more treatment. I was told that it could take up to six weeks for my packet to return.
To my surprise two days later I was called in to the office and handed my decision
packet. I was to be discharged honorably by medical separation with a 10% disability. A
severance pay was calculated in based upon my rate of pay and years in service, that
came to just over $12,000. I was disgusted that it was returned so quickly as if it wasn't
even looked at. I learned later on that this seemed to be the usual decision no matter what
the condition. (We all saw the special on CNN recently where the veteran had over a quarter of his skull missing and his face deformed along with the loss of fingers and I believe one of his
hands. His rating decision was also 10%.) I had the opportunity to appeal the decision, which required traveling to another post and appearing before a medical board and presenting my case. I was too upset with everything that I had been through, from the misdiagnosis, all the medication and lack of proper treatment, I decided to sign for the 10% disability and begin out processing the Army.
Even my commanders and soldiers in my unit were disgusted. But there was nothing they
could do for me. Even if there was, I was not told of it. I felt I was being an
inconvenience to them just by their attitudes. After a few short weeks of turning in
equipment and paperwork I was officially discharged from the United States Army on
December 18th 2006. I was never referred for any treatment. The only thing besides my
discharge papers that I received was an appointment for a claim with the Department of
Veterans Affairs. I received no advice for my condition, no matter how many times I
asked. The answer was medication and that I was going to be alright. At that point in time
I was happy to be out of the Army. But I was also depressed as the military had been my
life, and now everything was cut short. And though I received excellent training in
preparation for the civilian life and job world, there was and still is a void in me. I would
do anything to be able to be back in the service.
As I began civilian life again back in my home town of Frederick, Maryland, I started to
miss the military life even more. Finding a job wasn't easy either as I was still
experiencing pain and discomfort. I worked as a car salesman for a short time, and up
until the middle of September, 2007 as a car wash supervisor. During this time I had also
begun my processing with the Department of Veterans Affairs. It was just as much a
nightmare as the medical treatment I received in the Army. I began treatment in the VA in January of 2007. My initial claim was filled out bya service officer in Fort Hood, for my lower back and pain in my left leg. My initial exams and appointment came very quickly and I admit the staff was very pleasant and understanding, with only a few unpleasant experiences. Overall I was pleased with the system. I received my disability claim decision after only a few months with an overall rating of 50% disability which entitled me to $712 a month. But since I had received a
severance pay from the military I had to pay it back. And in the short time in between
being discharged from the military and starting a new job near the end of January I had
spent all but a small portion of it. Most was spent on bills like truck payment and
insurance, clothes and housing items, and my cell phone. It was pre-determined that
$501 was to be withheld until June of 2008 to pay back the severance pay, leaving me
with $212 a month.
Since I was making far less than what I was making in the military I asked for a decrease
in payment on the severance pay. I was quickly denied. I also initiated a claim for
possible hearing and vision loss, and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD. All of
which were scheduled quickly and all of which were quickly denied. I understand the hearing and vision results as I cannot argue with scientific proof. But the PTSD exam was very short as the examining official was in a hurry. At that time I was happy to be out of the military and though I was experiencing depression, anxiety, and a heightened sense of awareness. It also affected my social life as I found it hard to adapt and felt alone inside. I had told the doctor that my treatment for me was surrounding myself with family and good friends. I thought that I didn't need extensive psychological treatment. This would prove to be wrong later on.
I continued to see the doctors at my local VA hospital for pain in my lower back and leg,
as I had appealed the first decision. After an MRI in June 2007, I was sent to see a
neurologist who determined that I did have degenerative disc disease and that the discs
were beginning to become herniated again just as before. He was also noticing a formation of scar tissue on the left side of my spine, and a severe stenosis of my spinal canal, which sounded bad to me of course. He then confirmed my suspicions and told me that I was going to need another surgery to possibly attempt to fix the problem, and it would involve the same procedure as before. But due to the system being backed up I was told that is could be up to six months before I was able to be scheduled for it. And as the months went on since January my pain was
increasing.
Since I left the military I occasionally used a cane to walk if the pain became too much. I
experienced episodes where I had so much pain that I could not move and by the end of
July I found myself using the cane on a full time basis. Through the end of August to the end of September I made several trips to the ER because the pain was so severe. This emergency room however was 45 minutes away as I could not go to a local emergency room because I would have to pay out of pocket for the treatment and have to file with the VA for reimbursement. My family did not have the assets for this.
At the end of September, I saw my primary care provider at a local VA outpatient clinic.
She had been monitoring my situation since I first filed for disability. She noticed that I
was having a sudden increase in pain and feared that my condition had worsened. She
prescribed more pain medication for me to include a medication to offer relief from my
nerve damage. She also recommended that I leave my job as my condition was getting
worse and did not want me injuring myself even further. Along with this evidence she recommended that I be placed on 100% disability as of October 1st up to my surgery which is still not scheduled through my recovery. I would later discover that to be elegible for this the VA requires a disability rating of 70% or more. Those who have gotten this far can tell that I am obviously unable to work, but that is the VA system for you. I was also put in to receive a TENS unit, heating pad, and a larger cane. All of which I received promptly. From that time up until November I followed the doctor's orders of limited movement and treatment with my medication and therapy tools.
By the beginning of October, I had begun to use the cane full time as I found it difficult
to walk without assistance. In November my primary care physician, noticing the
increase in pain referred me for another MRI. Shortly after in the beginning of December
I went for my MRI. I have yet to know the results. I have an appointment with the
neurologist at the end of January. It was at this time also that I was offered a wheelchair for assistance. I gladly accepted and have been using ever since. My PMC also referred me to an anesthesiologist for pain management. This doctor was very tentative and understanding of my condition and answered all of my questions. He suggested a series of steroid injections into my lower back. These injections are given in a series of three over a period of time. Some patients
experience relief and some don't. For my condition however we were not sure if I would get any relief and if I did it would only be temporary. I still needed surgery. I decided to try the injections. The first of which is a simple epidural outside the spine towards the side causing discomfort. In my case it was the left side. I felt immediate relief from the injection in mid December. I was also given a shot of Fentynol, which is many times stronger than morphine. I felt the effects of the injection and had little pain over a week. But shortly after the pain returned
as it was before. The next injection done on January 7th, 2008, and was much more painful as I received no pain medication and the injection is right at the spine. He also used the steroids this
time. I had never experienced that much pain before. The doctor though told me that the
pain was a good thing and that I would feel relief shortly. I can honestly say I feel a small
amount of relief, but I still have to use a cane and my wheelchair. I found out later on that these injections can do more harm than good. It's described by most as a way of geting us to shut up about our pain for a little while. Over this period of time I have also been in constant contact with the VA to find out about my rating, which I was to understand was 100%. Though anytime I would call, Iwould be either sent to another state other than Maryland's regional office in Baltimore, put on hold for untold amounts of time. I could not get any answers other than my records were at the hospital or they were working on it. And in this time I have also been on a
large amount of medication that includes, Tramadol, Gabapentin, Naproxen, morphine,
acetaminophen, hydroxazine, and paroxatine. I was also given paroxatine, or Paxil, for
depression, and anxiety, as I had begun seeing a mental health specialist for my PTSD
claim. It wasn't until recently that I learned that I have nightmares and scream and yell in my
sleep. I do not remember the nightmares but often wake up in a cold sweat. I find it
difficult to fall asleep, and once I am it is not for long, as the pain wakes me and I have to
move to another position. And then the battle begins yet again to fall asleep. Some nights are better than others, but the only way I get any relief is with my heating pad and a TENS unit. I have told my mental health specialist of everything that I have gone through. All signs of PTSD. Since October I have been on these medications, and because of them I cannot drive let alone operate any machinery. It also became painful to drive. And because I was only receiving the small amount of $212 a month I was unable to keep up with payments on my truck and had to cancel the lease. That truck was everything to me. It took me a very long time to save up enough to afford it. And even thought it is a material possession I am still upset about it.
It is now January of 2008. I have yet to be scheduled for my surgery I was told I needed
back in June of 2007. I have lost everything because I cannot work, and have not been
able to work since the 1st of October. I experience pain and discomfort all of the time.
Not to mention the large amount of medications, including narcotics, non-narcotics and
controlled substances that I take three times a day. This hinders my ability to enjoy life. I
am 22 years old and going through all of this.
The medication alone is bad enough. I have lost everything I worked for. I can't even go
out with family or friends for more than a few hours without having to return home to use
my heating pad and to lie down until the pain goes back to a manageable level. And every
day since October I have tried everything to speed up my claim, even having my doctor
submit additional reports. I am represented by the DAV. But my representative has done
all he can and continues to do so every day. I wait each day for the mail to come to see if there is anything regarding my claim. I have just about given up on calling. And due to the fact that I cannot work, and only receive $212 a month I am grateful that I have a loving family, because I would be another statistic of a homeless veteran living on the street. That is if they ever get the
statistics right on the amount of homeless vets.
It is a hard battle that I do not intend to quit on. I know there are more veterans out there
waiting for treatment, some worse than me, but we are all entitled to proper care and
treatment as we have given so much. I work with many organizations and groups that
fight for better care and to increase funding to the VA for better facilities and equipment.
The VA is backlogged with over 400,000 claims, which we all feel is unacceptable and
there is no excuse but failed leadership. Hopefully with the new secretary we will see
changes. Though many of our wounds can be healed there are many that will be there for
the rest of our lives. I believe that every service member from every war experiences
some form of PTSD. I am tired of hearing that claims have been denied and even that
PTSD is merely an attempt by veterans to get more money. All I want is what I deserve.
I gave so much for this country as a young man with dreams and aspirations, and in spite
of all that has happened I would still do it all over again. All I want is to get my life back:
to begin anew in hopes that I will someday be well enough to return to the United States
Army. It's who I am and always will be.
I come from a family with a strong military background, and the spirit of this nation runs
in my veins. My great grandfather, rest his soul, served in the Army during World War II.
My grandfather served 30 yrs in the Air Force and served in Vietnam. To this day, he still
works for the government with the White House Communications Center under Boeing.
My Mother and my aunt both served in the Air Force as well. So I believed it was my
destiny to carry on my families name and honor my country and those before me who
gave the ultimate price. And I will continue to fight though not on the battlefield, but for
the veterans of the past, the veterans of the present, and the veterans of the future. After
all, we are the strongest nation in this world protected by the bravest men and women
who fight voluntarily for all of us. Don't we deserve to be honored and given the best in and out of service to our country?
###
**update** March 14th 2008
I am now rated 60% overall. My
disability for radioculpathy (leg pain) increased from 10 to 20%. I was granted
10% for hearing loss but that has since disappeared from my claim. I have a new
service officer who has helped me to turn in paperwork and establish new
claims. I have been evaluated by a private practice psychologist with over 25
years of experience. I am currently waiting on his determination and my GAF
scale rating. I now have pain in both legs with increased loss of feeling in
both. I continue on my regimen of medications some having to be increased in
dosage to allow me some function. Some good news though, on March 24th I will
be having my surgery. The same one I have been waiting for since June 2007. I
am in Priority group 1, which puts me to the front of the line for
scheduling...they must be really backed up. Because of the extended waiting
time I expect to hear that I have more damage. I receive a little more a month
now for disability, but it is still not enough to live on. Not to mention,
Chrysler has hit me with w bill for 8,000 dollars for the truck, which was
leases. This comes after I was told that I could return the vehicle with
evidence of disability and that they, Chrysler, would take care of everything
and I wouldn't have to worry about it. As the old term goes "BOHICA".
For those who do not know this terms meaning, see your nearest veteran. So, I
have made it this far without committing suicide which I congratulate myself
for, but I know that I still have a long road to travel for rehabilitation. In
the mean time I will continue to help as many veterans as I can to make sure
that they do not have to go through what I did. Please continue to support your
veterans, and when necessary take action in issues, like the G.I. Bill, which
is trying to get passed. Tell your friends and neighbors, co workers and church
members of the stories you hear like mine. We all know of the problems with the
VA. It is time though everyone sees the real truth and the only way to
accomplish that is to hear it straight from a veteran.